Beer hour 4pm–we’re going to that. Gettin’ trashed there, because I earned it because I ran a western and did cell culture and did 20 minipreps and wrote that postdoc for a plasmid and read that new paper by–you know that paper we talked shit about yesterday? Fuck I need a beer now. Yeah! I did all that t’day!

Hey did you text Stu? He said he was gonna come out last saturday but that bitch didn’t come out. That’s it I’m getting shitfaced today. And then we’re going to the bar afterward and then going to eat huge burritos and hopefully not barf right after. Jeez, gradschool is really long huh? Ok it’s 4 we go talk to the new students and get shitfaced.

-Inglorious Ingrid

This has nothing to do with age. Whether you’re a juvenescent go-getter, or an old, graying curmudgeon, you outrank me. In this profession, the lines aren’t blurred between graduate student and postdoc, and life near the bottom of the food chain can be arduous.

I’m a graduate student: experiencing the first signs of senescence, and poor to boot.

My life is pretty busy. I’m doing science, but I also have the added burden of growing up at the same time, because I didn’t have enough time for this in college because I was too busy hitting the books. Maybe when I become a postdoc I will be mature.

You’re a fleeting example of maturity–I can tell it happened to you at one time, but you still impose on your colleagues for their babysitting and psychiatric services regularly. Whether you’re awesome or pathetic, you’re admired.

One day hopefully I will get the respect you get. I know you worked hard for it. Anyone with a Ph.D. deserves respect, right?

-Sardonic Stu

For some, it’s a means to an end. For others, it’s a place to kill some time. For all, prolonged woe that may provide years of frustration to vent.

“Graduate School Fantasy”, a new feature/category on YPAA, is for the woebegone, or you, whatever the case may be. These voices, from various made-up names, and inspired by various characters I observe at MIT, channel the consciousnesses of these poor souls. Please give them your sympathy.